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  • rebecca lian

Note to Self: Listen to the Lessons

I saw a tweet recently that said “the universe really keeps giving you the same lesson over and over again until you listen.” That hit me like a ton of bricks and got me thinking. And of course my first instinct was to apply this to my love life – or lack thereof. While I’d like to think I’ve learned many lessons over the years, I realized that I don’t particularly listen to them. I see similar behaviors or am put in similar situations, where I should know better, but I don’t actually do better. It’s like in Taylor Swift’s song “exile” where she says “I think I’ve seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending.” However, I can assure you that I almost never leave out the side door; somehow I believe the ending will be different. But we can’t keep making the same mistakes over and over again and expect a different outcome… I mean, that’s basically the definition of insanity.

Why continue to go against what you've learned? If you know better, do better. It’s like in school… you don’t just learn a lesson and then intentionally flunk the test. Or how about when you see the same question on a test that you had on a quiz – but you got it wrong on the quiz, and now you’re ready to redeem yourself… one of the best feelings ever, right?! Obviously real-life scenarios are more complex, but for the sake of this blog post, that analogy will have to do.

Anyway, that tweet inspired me to jot down some reminders for myself with the intention of actually applying the lessons I’ve been taught, and prove to the universe (and to myself) that I’ve truly learned and am growing – because honestly, I’m sooo done going through the same sh*t over and over again when I really do know better. I’m sure I’m not the only one out there who needs to hear at least one of these reminders, so here we go:

  1. You are not a “maybe.” You are an overly enthusiastic “YES!” Not only are you the first choice, but you are the only choice. There are no other options when it comes to being with you.

  2. If they’re not sure what they’re looking for or they’re not ready for a relationship, just accept that and move on – see reminder #1. Don’t try to dissect why or try to change their mind. And don’t you dare say that you’re not looking for a relationship when you are.

  3. If the only thing they are consistent about is being inconsistent, I have one word for you: leave. You deserve better. You deserve someone who is consistent in their feelings and efforts. You shouldn't have to question their intentions or where you stand with them.

  4. You do not need to be any less than who you are in order to be loved. You bring so much to the table and anyone would be lucky to experience your love. Don’t be ashamed of the patience, kindness, and loyalty you so willingly give others. I’m proud of you for never giving up. Don’t stop.

  5. Stop writing full-on love stories in your head. It's sweet that you're a hopeless romantic and all – love that for us – but it's causing you to create fictional characters out of real people. Not super healthy. You can't assign a role to someone and expect them to play it the way you've written. See them for who they show you they are, rather than boxing them into this idealized version you created.

  6. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Remember how empowered you feel every time you do, and go for it! Don’t doubt yourself or overthink it too much afterward. Feel proud for speaking your mind!

  7. You are as worthy of love as you believe yourself to be. So believe that you're worthy of whatever kind of love you dream of having – then, don’t accept anything less.

  8. Stay present! Don't live in how great the past was, or how amazing the future could be. Live in the here and now. Obviously there will be rough days, but if you find yourself consistently looking to the past or the future because you're not happy in the present, then something may need to be reevaluated.

  9. Please, don't make excuses for them. Accept their actions for what they are and how they make you feel. Being understanding is one thing, but making up excuses on their behalf to try to make yourself feel better is a whole other thing. Also, don't be so understanding to the point that you're disregarding your needs or disrespecting your boundaries.

  10. Protect and prioritize your peace. If they are causing you more stress and anxiety than excitement and joy, then they aren't for you. Stay aware and recognize exactly what someone is adding to your life. Your peace is priceless.

There's definitely more I have to say, but I'll leave it at those ten reminders for now and close with this final one:

Trust God’s plan for you (or the universe’s plan if that’s more your vibe). I know you feel defeated at times, but please trust that you're exactly where you're supposed to be. And as cliche as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. Someone may not end up being in your life for the reason you originally thought, but that's okay. Just trust that you'll end up exactly where you're meant to be. And maybe listen to the lessons you're being given in the meantime ;-)


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